GLTB:she loves me,she loves me not,my heart is breaking,PLEASE HELP.?

Im so sad right now.I used to date this girl..and well our relationship wasnt stable.we both had to keep everything a secret.Then i went off to a christian internship......I wanted to focus of God.when i came back she was still very much into me,and trying to be physical with me....I pushed her away.and dated Guys.anyways..so a lot of time,and expreinces took place.She even became friends with a person who does not like me..and talked **** about me with them,out of hurt and jelousy.a few months ped by..and i went o apologize to her.she was not enthused.but was polite.anyways so...she would call me every once in a while..randomly..and just chat.when her dad hurt himself..she called me.once we even rented a hotel room so we could be intimate.I asked her if she would be my friend..she said no,that she could not.and that she looks at me as her ex..so I proceeeded to ask her if we could try again.and she said she doesnt feel the same.(but she still is the one to contact me...ect.)anyways...if we meet up..on some random night,she will try to grab my hand.or bin up things that we went through in the past.the time that we saw eachother before this last,i whispered to her "youll never love me again will you"while i was giving her a hug.sadly she said no.we have basically been living our own lives,she has contacted me randomly,and talks about her current relationship status,and ask about mine.we flirt..she gives me long hugs.but when she looks at me i feel hurt in her eyes.TODAY we met at starbucks (she called me),and chatted a bit... she tried desperatley to take a picture of me..also when we were silent she had this look in her eyes,this sadness.when I asked her if everything was ok(its not cause i know her)she said yea..she also told me about her current girl,and told me,"look,im wearing her ring"and"i think she is sick" and blah blah blah..but still there was this look of discontentment in her eyes.about a month prior to this meeting at starbucks,when she said she wont love me again,she said she had a boyfriend...Im just so confused.why does she contact me,if she cant love me?why does she look so sad/wanting,discontent when she talks..why does she hold my hand,why does she give me long hugs,why.I love her guys,i really do...i could see myself being with her.the way it should have been all along.